Decisions Decisions

While I was preparing to have my son, as all mothers can attest, there will many decisions to make. I felt like every person I spoke to grilled me on how I planned my labor to go. Would I do it naturally? Do any early screening tests? Have an epidural? Be induced? Have my membranes stripped? Schedule the delivery day? Receive pitocin? Have a midwife? Doula? Deliver in a hospital? Birthing center? At home? In water? And the question went to and on. 

I wanted to have the perfect delivery that was talked about how awesome it was for years after. I read every book I could get my hands on and watched every documentary that Netflix had about birth. More often than not, our small apartment was filled with the sounds of women in labor as I researched. Months ahead of my due date I packed a perfectly organized hospital bed, stocked with snacks, aromatherapy, a cute and comfy birthing outfit, and all other "necessities." I typed out a very detailed birth plan and made organized folders with the plan and other information for every person that would enter the labor and delivery room. I had made all my decisions, and I was ready. Or so I thought. 

When I ended up having to have a c-section and every single one of my carefully made plans were changed, it was hard not to be slightly devastated; and I would have been if it hadn't have been for the beautiful, healthy baby boy in my arms. My mom told me that this was God's way of teaching me that with motherhood, you can't control everything, and things never go as planned. This is a lesson I am still learning every single day of my life as a mom, despite my stubborn and futile effort to plan regardless.    

Now that my little guy is 10 months old, life has thrown a ton of other curve balls my way. I was so naive and thought that all of the questions would go away when I got home from the hospital. Again, I was so wrong. Every time I figure one thing out, a whole slew of new questions come my way. Do you breastfeed? Bottle feed? Baby wear? Co-sleep? Crib-sleep? Immunize? Homeopathic medicine? Sleep train? Ferberize? Cry-it-out? No-cry? Baby-wise parenting? Attachment parenting? No sugar? All natural? And it continues infinitely. This can really stress a mom out. And sometimes it seriously does. I've read more than my share of books and studies. I have had sleepless nights researching on the computer sleep methods. 

When we came home from the hospital, I kind of thought that I would be able to put the baby down for regular naps, that breastfeeding would be so easy, that he would sleep in his crib through the night and everything would be hunky-dory. Then real-life hit. Sleep was a joke. He only went to bed after 5 a.m. and that was only on-top of me and after hours of screaming. Don't even think about naps. I had to use a nursing shield for the first 5 months of breastfeeding because he refused to latch without one. Fast forward 9 months, and the little man developed a terrible fear of his crib, screaming on the top of his lungs if you set him in it (even in a dead-sleep).

All of the carefully thought out plans that we made after much research just didn't happen. We had to adapt for the health and well-being of our family. After a lot of thinking about it, I am okay with having to adapt. I was so stressed that I had to have life planned out in order to be a good mom and have a healthy, well-adjusted child. Here's the thing, for every single study that says that one thing is best for your baby, you will find 3 more telling you that that thing will cause issues for them that will turn them into troubled adults. Take the the co-sleeping debate as an example. If you read some studies, they say that co-sleeping increases the risk of SIDS and cause dependent children; the next study says that it decreases the risk of SIDS because the parent is right there, and the children are more independent because their emotional needs are met. I can come up with hundreds of examples like this. There is no winning. 

I have come to the conclusion that in raising kids, whatever you choose, is right. Whatever Susie at playgroup chooses, is right. When it comes to being a parent, it is most important to be educated, informed, and then with your arsenal of information, do whatever is best for your baby, and be flexible. All that matters is that you are making decisions that are best for your family, and that your kid is happy and healthy. As long as you do that, everthing will be okay, and that's most important.